Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Fasting over... and still continues

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So, I really had a hard time holding my fast. Not because I was hungry, but because I just couldn't really focus at work... almost at all. I had to double-check all my work and sometimes triple-check. I was fine when I was just sitting here at my desk just praying or... hmmmm... praying some more. So, I started to think about what God had told me instead of what I wanted to do. And, I knew from the get-go that He never said that I was to fast 4 days in a row, but 4 days per month. I just thought it would be cool to fast more than I have ever fasted before. So, I will fast 1.5 days once a week and I will pick what days I will do this. This way I will be fasting the minimum 4 days a month that the LORD told me to do. I think that I will do this Wednesday-Thursday. I will not eat all of Wednesday and then finish by eating Lunch on Thursdays. I feel good about this and I still look forward to the day when I am able to fast more than before. I just hope that that day comes soon!!

Monday, April 2, 2007

Fasting and Prayer

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Well, This is my first full day of fasting that I am about to complete. I have a headache, but that's my fault because I didn't drink that much water yesterday, but I should be okay in that department today as long as I keep hydrating. Nothing special has happened, but then again I haven't been doing any deep prayer today. I just read my The Hip Hop Church book in the bus that I took to work, but I only read about 10 pages or something like that. I already have that ammonia taste in my mouth. It's kinda cool cause it's sweet and it reminds me that I am fasting... the headache does too though :( haha...

I guess I will continue to update this later...

PS - God, You know why I am fasting. You know the reasons that I am humbling myself in front of You. You know why I have "put on" this sackcloth as David did many a times. Thank You for teaching me this spiritual discipline because I feel as close to you as Jesus must have started to feel while He was fasting. Well, maybe not AS close as JC was to You, but I am getting there and I know that You rejoice in my heart right now. Thank You so much for just being there!! Thank you SOOO much for continuing to make me realize how much I NEED to depend on YOU!!! Thank You for your promises and the people that You have surrounded me with in order to keep me centered on You!! Thank you for my Community (big C). Thank you for our encounter in Victory Outreach this past Sunday!! Thank You because you have thrown my sin as far as the East is from the West!! Thank you for telling me to do this 4 days instead of 3 and giving me a chance to be obedient to You!!! Thank you for speaking to me! Thank You for giving me this job and blessing me by having my dad close to me! Thank you for giving me a time to pray and rest on the bus! Thank You for giving me a job where I can type and bless your name at just about any point that I chose! Thank You for my family! And thank you for the encouragement that my college group is giving me!! Thank You because they see your mercy and they get to experience you through my pain! Bless them God please bless them! Bless my family for never leaving me no matter how much it hurts. Bless my friends for never turning a deaf ear or a cold back to me! Bless them for seeing me as You see me! Bless them for the deep commitment that they have with You! Bless them deeper this year! Reveal yourself SOOO much more to them. DO NOT allow them to grow complacent! Bring them trials to grow them in their faith, closeness, dependence on You!! LORD I ask that you continue to fill me with Your Holy Spirit so that I may pray with Your heart and not mine. I ask You that You listen to my supplications as I pour out my heart to You. I need You in my weakness. I need you to give me spiritual strength AND physical strength to say no when the enemy whispers evil suggestions that grieves your wonderful heart. Let me be in a complete spirit of prayer when I am in public and when I am alone with You! Father please take this headache away unless it is Your way of keeping me in prayer. Please do Your will in my life in the details of the every day as well as the general things that occur around me. Please bless all those that have wronged me. Please bring Sheyla and her family to a place of surrender and truth that can only come from you. Please show them your mercy and forgiveness through me. Please show them tangibly that You are there and that You are real! God please bless them and restore them. Stop their hurt as well as ours. Please be glorified through the mess that we've created. Please bring peace in this chaos. Lord, thank YOU!! Thank you for allowing me to feel you and be with You!! Thank you for teaching me to pray for my brothers and sisters that have wronged me. Thank You for Your promises to me!! Thank You for your reprimand! Thank You for Your punishment because You deem me worthy of it even though I KNOW that I don't even deserve that! I just beg You to work a miracle... THE MIRACLE THAT YOU SAID THAT YOU WOULD DO!!!... and bring honor to my name again. Bring such a deep truth that everyone would KNOW that it was YOU!!! Nothing of me and ALL of YOU!!! LORD I am so excited to continue to fast for YOU and for ME! am SO excited to pray deeply... take me DEEPER!! Take me so deep that I will not ever want to come back down the mountain!!! Make my face glow due to the witnessing of YOUR GLORY!! :) I feel You!! I feel your Spirit dancing with mine as I pray! I see your Spirit smile!! I see you smile Father!!!

Monday, March 26, 2007

Arizona Weekend - March 23-25

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So I went to see my first Spring Training game EVER and it was so much fun!! I was right by where the players entered and exited the field and gor pictures of a few of them. It was SOOO cool!!

Well, the weekend started off to a rocky start as I was stupid enought to look her up on myspace and saw her new music web site in which I saw a picture of her and Eli and a song that she had written and dedicated to him called "For You Eli". So, I called my best friend in the whole world, Tristan, and poured my hurting heart out to him. He was such an encouragement!! He stopped me in my tracks and made me promise him to not ever look her up on myspace again; so I won't. He also spoke truth into my life and reminded me, well he actually revealed to me, that the promise of Jenny in my life was confirmed by two witnesses and that that is how God works. I didn't ever think of it that way. That is so cool!! That thet LORD would speak to me through His voice, His word, and through friends that woudl confirm things that He had been telling me. Well, that obviously made me feel better. I left work early that Friday because there was NOTHING to do and went to hang out with Anna which I told of the situation and she was also encouraging as she reminded me of my stupidity in my actions... lol... my friends are great! lol...

Well, Anna and I went to go get gas and when we returned, Emily was already there and B came soon after. We got on our way around 5:30 and had a pretty good, but slow, ride to Phoenix; we got there at 0130!!

Saturday morning we got up and Anna's parents made us breakfast and we sat around and t talked until B and I went outside to start to get our baseball on and play catch. Soon after that, all us youngsters got into Anna's jeep while the old folks went in their BW Bug. We got to the game, saw a few players, took a few pictures and left to go to church. Here is the most important part of the the weekend!!!

Well, we got there and it was a mega-church with over 4,000 attenders. We sat in the left side of the church near the front part and got ready for worship. Worship was good but too spread out. That made me feel like I couldn't get into a flow, ut I definitely flet the presence of God pretty much immediately. The sermon was really good; it was about fasting and the importance of it as a spiritual discipline. I felt conviceted, but no word from the LORD. However, I did remember how I learned that it was supposed to be a regular thing in our lives. Jesus said "when" you fast, not "if" you fast. So, the sermon ended and we were asked to stand and THAT'S when the magic happened! *big smile* I felt that the LORD started to want to speak to me because I felt HIS presence so heavy on me that I could barely stand. The first thing that happened was that I had a vision of the LORD Himself coming down and facing me. He then got closer and closer and closer until his chest began to touch my own and His heart replaced mine (I almost fell when this happened, I was overwhelmed). I just enjoyed His presence and the meaning of the vision which was that the LORD was replacing my heart with Him. So I said what was on my (HIS) heart, "LORD when am I going to stop suffering?" and HE responded by saying, "Trust Me." It seems that He always tells me just enough to grown my faith. If He would actually tell me when I would stop suffering, then I wouldn't have to depend on Him since I would have a date of deliverace and I would start looking to that day instead of concentrating on today. Then, before I even finished asking or maybe even started to ask the LORD why she is with him, He reminded me of what He had told me in that she is going through things that she needs to go through to learn to depend only in HIM. Obviously tears ran down my face as I received His words to me. Then my heart shifted to the conviction of fasting in my life. I asked the LORD "if" He wanted me to fast (haha, like He would actually say no!) and He obviously saud "yes." Then I asked Him, "How long, 3 consecutive days per month?" (Like the guy had commented earlier). And the LORD replied, "Four." *I smiled* Now, my commitment is to fast the first four days of every month. That's going to be really hard, but I want to do EXACTLY what He tells me to do. So, the next part I don't remember if it happened before the fasting thing or after, but it happened. I had a vision of Jenny sitting on a platform with dark brown pants that had a sort of pin stripe that I don't exactly remember right now and she was sitting cross-legged with her right leg on top og her left. She looked beautiful and happy. I got the feeling that I was next to her, but I didn't know that for sure since I didn't see anything. This vision made me feel really good, because I felt as if I was looking at my wife and not anything else. I know that that was a prophetic vision and I receive it in Christ.

After church we went to go eat at Anna's restaurant: Fajitas Restaurant. The food was SOOO good! Her parents paid for the bill and we loved it. We also talked about the fasting sermon and we all gave our opinions. Then, we met up with Sam, Anna's friend, and we listened and danced to some jazz/blues. We got home late and went to sleep so that we could have her mom's great coffee cake then enxt morning. sunday morning we had breakfast and talked about online dating web sites and started talking about my whole view on that too... that took a while. We left at 1 pm and I got home home at 2230 after dorpping people off at Anna's.

It was a graet weekend that I really needed. We are now Jazz fans and want to seek out more Jazz music, thanks Sam...

Thursday, March 22, 2007

A Privilidge

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Suffering for Christ really is a privilidge... Let me rephrase that, suffering really is a privilidge...

What I mean is that sometimes you get so into being self-righteous because you think that something that is currently going on in your life is not your fault, but that 'something' is happening for some reason. That 'something' was allowed to happen by the LORD for some reason. Suffering is a privilisge because by getting a chance to love a real enemy changes your heart to be more like that of Christ's. I can get a little glimpse of what Jesus really felt like when He said, "Father, forgive them for the do not know what they do." He loved, He really loved those that put Him through the horrifiying and shaming process of crucification. Of all people in all of history is all the world Jesus was the one that was least deserving of crucification! He was sinless. And here I sit thinking that I have the right to be mad and not thinking about why this is happening. This is a privilidge for so many reasons, but the biggest is because I get a chance to experience more of Christ through all of this. How wonderfully heartbreaking is it that I get to pray for my enemy; that I actually get to love the unlovable. Man! THANK YOU LORD!!

Also, while I am suffering for something that is not directly my fault, like Jesus did, I know that the LORD could have stopped this from happening, and since HE didn't, then HE felt it necessary for this to happen. Why? Man I asked myself that not really wanting to hear the answer even though I have heard the answer. He said "if you want to be a man after my own heart then you have to love the way I love" Also I would not have learned otherwise...

There are so many other things that are happening and have happened, but now I don't really remember them all, I need to do a better job of writing these things down within a couple days of them happening!

Monday, March 19, 2007

THUG LIFE

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T -HE
H - ATE
U
G - AVE
L - IL
I - NFANTS
F - ***S
E - VERYBODY

Friday, March 16, 2007

HOMOSEXUALITY - NATURE, NURTURE... OR BOTH??

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THE IMAGE OF GOD EXPANDED:

So there is this article (http://news.aol.com/topnews/articles/_a/furor-over-baptists-gay-baby-article/20070315023809990001?ncid=NWS00010000000001 [15mar07]) that talks about how a leading Baptist clergyman talks about how the Christian church has to, “brace [themselves] for the possibility that a biological basis for homosexuality may be proven.”

Now brace yourselves… I AGREE…

Now before you get all your wires crossed as to what I am saying… Read ahead…

Here’s one thing I know for sure: There have been people, some that I know personally, that have said that they were homosexuals, and then, they later admitted realizing that they were homosexuals not because of birth or choice, but because of past traumatic experiences (i.e. child molestation).

Here’s another thing I know for sure: There are people that are homosexuals, heterosexuals, and bisexuals. And, no matter what the reason is that people fall into these categories, the truth is that these categories exist.

This takes me to stating that there have been national tests that have been implemented that confirm the statements in the previous paragraph. One such test and scale is called the Kinsey Scale (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale). This scale speaks of people that feel anywhere from really really straight, all the way to the other side of the spectrum to where people feel really really homosexual. Ask yourself a deep question that only you can answer: have you ever, even for an instance, wondered what it would be like to kiss someone of the same sex? Well, going on. This test shows that human sexuality is fluid and not so legalistic as to have to say what previous generations were ‘so sure’ of in splitting sexuality into very distinct sections.

That being said, I want to propose this: Since sexuality seems to be fluid, I would like to state that I believe that there are people that have been traumatized into thinking that they are somewhere on the homosexual or bisexual end of the spectrum, AND that the sinful nature that we inherit from Adam (of the biblical Adam & Eve) might be able to affect genetics in sexual orientation in the same way that it affects genetics in aging.

WAIT WAIT WAIT…

Please keep reading…

God says in His Word (The Bible) that He created us and we would never die. We seemed to have had no age limits, no sin, no death. But then Adam and Even both sinned and since then, humankind has had a limited life. Aging and dieing is a genetic trait. So, something happened that caused this genetic change, thus, sin and our sinful nature. The Bible says that at some point we are created in God’s mind before we are “knit in our mother’s womb,” (Psalm 139:13). But, God does not implant our sinful nature into us; rather, we inherit that from Adam (Psalm 51:5). I don’t know, nor do I think that we will ever find out, when and where exactly this point of inheritance is, but the fact that it is there seems obvious. Since we have been affected by our inherited sinful nature genetically as shown by our aging process, I also believe that it is possible that our inherited sinful nature may also be able to affect our sexual orientation. No matter what, whether or not sexual orientation can be traced back to one or multiple genes, the possibility is there and we do not have an answer either way right now. Therefore, as the Universal Church, I feel that we cannot say that being homosexual is wrong, rather, we must only repeat what the Bible says in that the act of homosexuality is wrong. Never in the whole Bible does God say that being a homosexual is wrong, instead, states that a man that lies with another man is committing an act that is an abomination to God, (Leviticus 18:22 and 20:13). We can look at it this way; the LORD says that we are to fight against lust and fornication and adultery; therefore, people that have homosexual desires need to fight against that as well.

I also want to state that this does not mean that I believe that God creates people that are homosexual. Rather, that God, knowing that they will be affected by our sinful nature in that manner, probably creates that specific person in such a way as to be able to live a life that is pleasing to God. The LORD know what our weaknesses will be due to our sinful nature, and I believe that He, in His infinite timeless wisdom, creates us with strengths that will balance those though Jesus.

This takes me to the marriage versus singleness debate. Wur ma peeps at that God has called to be single their whole lives? Anyone? In my experience, people tend to place the gift or marriage above the gift of singleness. I believe that the gift of marriage truly is a gift when we were designed to be married; when we were made in such a way as to be able to glorify God the most through our marriage. Likewise, the gift of singleness is truly a gift that can only be fully received by the person that God intended to stay single. I can see that maybe I lost you if you are a teenager or a young unmarried adult. But, the truth is that there are people that were meant to be single; that were prepared to be single by God because that is the way that He knew that He could be glorified the most. Maybe people that might have been born with their genetic makeup influencing them to have homosexual desires were created by God in such a way that He knew that they would be able to remain single. Now remember, I don’t believe that God creates people to be homosexuals, rather that He, knowing that sinful nature will have that affect, created them in such a way as to be able to abstain from their homosexual desires. Can you imagine how much more of the image of God we would be able to see if we fully add to the body of Christ those that are called to be single while homosexual? Or, how much more of God we could experience if those that are oppressed by the pain in their past and therefore have ‘chosen’ to live a homosexual lifestyle are not confused from who they really are anymore and can live in the freedom of being the people that God meant them to be. Also, can you imagine how oppressive the church is being to those people that might have no choice in their sexual orientation? Can you imagine wanting to fit in and not being able to because who you are as far as your sexual orientation is attacked by saying that YOU (not your actions but YOU) are detestable to God? I feel that the church is missing out on seeing more of God and that God’s heart is troubled and terribly saddened by the lack of open-mindedness from His Church about this issue.

To recap, I feel that we truly do not know if homosexuality can be based on genetics or not, but since the possibility is there, we cannot turn our back on that possibility because of the immense suffering that we might be causing people in them not feeling like they can be themselves to be accepted by the Church, and, therefore, by God… at least in their minds. All I want to do is glorify God and love people, and I believe that the way that I put things here make my heart transparent. Please let me know what you think on this. I could be totally wrong, I could be totally right, and I could be somewhere in the middle. Again we see fluidity J.

PS – This is still a work in progress…

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

PSALM 3-5

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Thank you LORD for blessing me with you WORD in times like these!!!

Psalm 3
A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom.

1 O LORD, how many are my foes! How many rise up against me!
2 Many are saying of me, "God will not deliver him." Selah [a]
3 But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift [b] up my head.
4 To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill. Selah
5 I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me.
6 I will not fear the tens of thousands drawn up against me on every side.
7 Arise, O LORD! Deliver me, O my God! Strike all my enemies on the jaw; break the teeth of the wicked.
8 From the LORD comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people. Selah

Psalm 4
For the director of music. With stringed instruments. A psalm of David.

1 Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
2 How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame [c] ? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods [d] ? Selah
3 Know that the LORD has set apart the godly for himself; the LORD will hear when I call to him.
4 In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Selah
5 Offer right sacrifices and trust in the LORD.
6 Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?" Let the light of your face shine upon us, O LORD.
7 You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound.
8 I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Psalm 5
For the director of music. For flutes. A psalm of David.

1 Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing.
2 Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray.
3 In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
4 You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil; with you the wicked cannot dwell.
5 The arrogant cannot stand in your presence; you hate all who do wrong.
6 You destroy those who tell lies; bloodthirsty and deceitful men the LORD abhors.
7 But I, by your great mercy, will come into your house; in reverence will I bow down toward your holy temple.
8 Lead me, O LORD, in your righteousness because of my enemies— make straight your way before me.
9 Not a word from their mouth can be trusted; their heart is filled with destruction. Their throat is an open grave; with their tongue they speak deceit.
10 Declare them guilty, O God! Let their intrigues be their downfall. Banish them for their many sins, for they have rebelled against you.
11 But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
12 For surely, O LORD, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield.

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