How I First Knew

EMAIL SENT TO MYSELF...

September 2004

Here are the things that I thought about today before I commented with my parents and Laura:

1) I have not been able to get her out of my mind for the last 2 week since dad's bday and debbie's house

2) I have never had the problem above

3) Out of nowhere, Sheyla asks me about the thing on the rearview mirror and if I would get "mad" if she took it off. I told her that I wouldn't get mad, but I would put it back (it's been there since Jan 2003)

4) Mom said, on dad's bday that God would be the one with the last word regarding both of us

5) Why has Laura been talking to her just about every day?

6) Why did I feel a connection between us the first day that I met her in Argentina at Beva y Pepe's house?

7) The Experiencing God discipleship book tells us that G speaks to us through circumstances

8) She pops in my head at random times. In the middle of prayer, she pops in there.

9) Pastor Ben Patterson, asked me if I needed prayer on anything in particular, and when I said no, he asked me if I am in love with anyone. When I told him about Jenny, and how I can't get her out of my mind and he said that maybe G doesn't want her out of my mind. I literally ask G to take her out of my mind EVERY day!

10) While writing this I KNOW that I love her. But, I don't want my flesh to get in the way... i.e. since I do have those feelings for her, I don't want those feelings to get in the way of hearing G well.

11) When I prayed a while ago and I asked G to tell me "right now, Y or N is she was my wife," I thought I heard Him say yes. I thought that that was probably me, so I asked again and got the same answer...I'm still unsure if He spoke to me or what...

NOTE: am I being stupid or what? Is God really speaking to me. I think that it's funny that G is speaking to me and Laura at the same time. I also think that if God tells someone something about their husband or wife, that it should be confirmned by two or three witnesses. Where are my other one or two witnesses? and has G said anything to Jenny? (THAT WAS MY HEART BEING POURED OUT)


- - - - - - - -end of email written 30 sep 2004, a few days after this all happened - everything happened from the 13th to the 29th of September 2004...

God spoke to me again in November of 2004 about this issue...

A Dream and a Word

Well, I woke up and I wanted to make sure that I remembered my dream so I ran out to my car and grabbed ny lap top. Now I am in my room and sitting on my bed.

I don't remember how this dream started, but I do know that it's been the first positive dream in a long time that had to do with Jenny. I believe that this dream was God showing me what will happen one day. Here it goes...

I know that I was dreaming something for a while that had to do with being at a mall or something. However, at some point I was at home on a table that resembeled an old table from my house in Argentina. Then I must fallen asleep or something because I woke up on my bed and I must have answered the phone becuase I know that I didn't dial any number. Jenny was on the other line and she asked me if she woke me up, but I said that I was fully awake now. She started to tell me something but I really couldn't understand her because it was getting cut off and because she was crying. The lsat thing that I thought that I heard was that she said "I love you." but I had no idea of what she was talking about. So, I sort of stopped her and told her that I just couodn't understand her and she continued to cry. Here I was in that old table again and she just magically appeared on the other side of the table. I spanned my look left and there she was. She started to talk again and again I stopped her, took her by the hand and took her to my room so that I could show her that I never erased the place on my mirror where she wrote "Babe, te amo *heart*" in red lipstick. However, someone had erased that and written "j holla." Hahaha, I don't know what that was about but I was so mad in my dream that I woke up and sat up. I was mad when I woke up too. I tried to go back to sleep to continue my dream, but it didin't work. However, I think I was either praying while I fell asleep or while I was asleep, but I remember vividly hearing a voice tell me, "Wait." I KNOW that it was God AGAIN telling me to wait on Him.... and I will.

Last Sunday, the 21st, I remember that while we sang a song called, "America Sera Para Cristo," the pastors had asked the congregation to stand when their country was mentioned and I thought that there was this girl that stood up when Argentina was called. She was real cute too and I started to wonder what would it be like if I dated someone else. At the same time, however, I was fighting that urge and I kept on trying to remember that Jenny IS my future wife. Then, I looked straight down and read this one line in the next song that we were going to play that said, "The promise that I have for you is greater than you can imagine." HAHA, I LOVE YOU LORD!! HE comes in and rescues me EVERY TIME!! I cannot wait to praise my God at my wedding, standing next to Jenny... both of us crying because of what we both endured until we were joined together...

JOB CRAZY!!

MAN!!! I'm sitting here at home after a HARD day of work (I have had a headache since 2pm and it's currently 7:24!!) and I have options, maybe too many options :/

I have a job at Coverall of Carpinteria earning enough money to support myself while this Montecito CC thing happens and I have an interview tomorrow with Santa Barbara News-Press with a guy named Steve Nakutin for some position that I don't exactly know the details of. However, I also interviewed with the SB News-Press for this other postition that would potentially pay me $15.00 / hour. It was 14.5 but I asked for $15 and they said okay. Anyway, I have to ask my boss at coverall to allow me to take a two hour lunch so that I can meet with this guy Steve. But, I also have to get the application from the other lady that I already interviewed with the other day last week. So, I am going to need to continue to SERIOUSLY pray for his guiding me beccause I ONLY want to be in the place I need to be. I know that He is providing me with $$ because I need $$, but I feel that He can always have another reason that is more than just $$. Like, for example, I just found out that there are two X's in my current job and this job has 99% Hispanics. Maybe God might want some networking to come out of here or something... I don't know... Well, I will pray... And hope for MCC... :)

Franciscan Benediction

I was given this Franciscan Benediction the last few days of my Urban Semester at the retreat that the whole Urban House had together... It's AWESOME!!!

May God Bless you with discomfortat easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God Bless you with angerat injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people,

So that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears

To shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war

So that you may reach out your hand to comfort themAnd to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness

To believe that you can make a difference in the world. So that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Figueroa Mountain and OUR mountain

Well I had a hard and joyful day today. I got up and cleaned my room, my bathroom, and the cooler that Brendan, Anna, Gillian, and myself were going to use to take our food and drinks to the mountain. We were hoping that there would be a lot of snow, but there wasn't. However, there were little bits of snow in the shadows that we grabbed a hold of so that we could throw at each other. It was fun. Well, it was a blast! I wanted to play in the snow, but hanging out with my friends was great. We left and brought some soda and some stuff to make sandwiches. Gillian brought this marshamellow cream thing that she put together with peanut butter and it was SO GOOD! We took a lot of pictures and I think that there were some great ones. Whichever one I put up on here is probably going to be mny favorite, but I if I can put more than one on here then I think -- well I know -- that I will take full advantage of that option!!

So then we move on to the bigger mountain. Satan is attacking us SO MUCH as a family and as individuals. WE KNOW that this year is going to be a year of tremendous blessing for IV and Santa Barbara and Satan is SO trying to mess things up!! MAN!! Everything with me, everything with Laura, and my parents get distroyed whenever their kids are touched. My mom was crying in my arms and even collapsed because she couldn't handle it anymore!! At that point I burst into tears as well. I HATE SATAN!!! But at the same time, that's not where my focus needs to be. It needs to be on CHRIST and His plan and His redemption and His next step.

I am still hoping and praying that I get the job in Montecito Covenant Church. I think that I will. I mean, I feel that God has been specifically preparing me for this position with all the experiences that I have been having and in how specific those experiences seem to have been preparing me for this environment. I have a meeting with Pastor Don and the search team this upcoming Tuesday the 23 of January of 2007 and I cannot WAIT!! At the same time, I feel that God might have a purpose for me being at this job that I currently have. I found out that there is one definite Christian (even though he talks about going to the Spearmint Rhynno), but everyone is in the process of sanctification. Anyways, I might be there to bring someone to Christ, or to plant a seed. I don't know. Soon though, everyone will know that I am all about HIM. LORD help me be your witness.

Talking with Mike Beccio

Well, Mike called me yesterday and we talked about his newborn baby and how God has been ministering to him and revealing things with him that were not possible before he was a dad. Then, I caught him up on the whole Jenny thing, well not in detail, and we both remembered the time that Jenny had broken up with me in the summer of 2005. We remembered that I was devastated and that I reluctantly went to Saturday Night since I was dragged there by Laura. Then, when we got there and we started singing praise songs, I remember that I didn't want to sing them; well it was more that I couldn't sing them, it brought too much pain. Then, right before we were about to start, Mike stepped away and was talking with the LORD. God told Mike that He wanted to change the message for me! The whole bible study was then restructured to talk about promise and how God never fails when He makes a promise or a covenant...same thing. And, that when God makes a promise, He will fulfill it in greater ways than we can imagine. I don't remember how Mike came to the conclusions that I got, but I do remember that he talked about the same passage that God had been speaking to me and used to tell me a lot about Jenny. The message was great, but I couldn't receive it because my heart hurt so much. When one worships or gets spoken to by God, the heart melts and mine could not melt because I didn't want anything to touch my heart...it would cause too much pain. Well, people wanted to hang out, but I did NOT want to do that so I asked my sister to take me home. However, once I got to my doorstep, I knew that if I went in, I would be very lonely and very depressed, so I decided to take a drive even if it was 11:30 at night. I got in my car and just started driving. I had gotten into the habit, a good recurrence, of going towards Surf Beach every time that I needed to go talk to God and all I wanted to do was drive. So, this time was definitely one of those "pour my heart our completely and in tears" time and towards Surf Beach I went. I couldn't event speak to God and I remember only being able to say "I can't" - - but only in my head. As soon as I said that, I heard, "Just talk;" I knew it was God. So, I opened my mouth and all that came out for the next 15 minutes or so were tears. Every time that I would attempt to speak all that came out were tears. Looking back I remember, and have remembered before while I recollected this night, that verse in Romans (I think) that says that sometimes we cannot do anything but grown and that that grown is guided by the Spirit and understood by God. How awesome is that!! Well, I remember being SO HURT and asking God why... until He answered. He first put into my mind the picture of Jesus at Gethsemane. From this picture, the LORD said to me something like "You will suffer much to help many." I cried more and more even though I basically had no tears to shed. I was still hurt though, because I didn't know if I had lost Jenny forever. The next day, however, my family and I went to Community Covenant Church to have a joint worship service. I will never forget how the LORD spoke to me that day in the time of worship and through the sermon. It was as if He had put the message in Christian Schalesky's heart just for me. The sermon was about how every emotion in the spectrum was created by God and that all should drive us to Him. The worship through music time, though, He spoke directly to me. My dilemma was that I didn't want to be stubborn and think that Jenny was my wife if God changed what He wanted for me due to the fact that Jenny had broken up with me, but, I also didn't want to wimper out and allow my faith to go down the drain if He wanted me to stay faithful to His word to me when He had said that Jenny was my wife. Well, during the worship service He said, "She is my promise to You." And He reminded me of how I had sworn off girls in 2002 until He brought my wife into the picture.

JOB

Well, it looks like I will be working for the company out in Carpinteria...

Now it's two days after me initially writing this post and I have worked in this carp job for two days. I don't like it. I haven't really done anything in my job description and all I have done is data entry. However, I am getting paid $16/hr to input data... that's pretty sweet but it's not challenging at all and I want more.

SANTA BARBARA NEWS PRESS...

I have two interviews with them and that is actually kinda exciting because the pay is a lot more! It's 33-36 / yr minimum. I don't know, but I have one interview tomorrow and another next week either Monday or Tuesday. I am still hoping and praying for the MCC job, but that will all happen or not happen in due time... I am sooo tired right now and it's barely 10:04. Well maybe not drop dead tired, but it's wearing me down fa sho!

1 Kings 13

So I was reading 1 Kings 13 and I feel that God was talking to me again. King Jeroboam was building more and more idols and making priests of people that were not of the Levite Tribe. So, the LORD sent a person that is called the 'man of God.' This man of God had a strict message to deliver and he delivered it successfully. However, the LORD had told him to not eat in the town he went to, to not go back the same way he came, or to not go back to the town that he was just in. The man of God then left the town and everything seemed to be great. However, another prophet went to him and lied and said that the LORD had told him that this man of God was supposed to go back with him and break bread. However, when the man of God was finished eating, the second prophet got a word from the LORD and told the man of God that he was going to get punished because he had disobeyed the LORD's commands to him. When then the man of God gets out of the town on his donkey, a lion comes out of nowhere and mauls him to death. What the LORD was telling me through this passage was that He has already told me what He wanted me to know about Jenny and He has not and will not change His commands. The LORD is telling me that there will be people that come and say things in His name that are not true, or even suggest that what the LORD told me is void, but IT'S NOT! I have to remain strong and courageous like He has shown me. I have to be patient and know that I will suffer so that He can use me. LORD, I need your strength though because this is so hard. And please continue to bless Jenny and keep her from making mistakes that she will regret. I know that you told me that you have to take her through the same path and desert that you wanted to take me. I just beg you for her life like my mom begged for mine. Please keep her to minimal pain and continue to work in her life as well as mine.

My first Blog

So I really don't intend anyone to read my blogs and I really just created this web site to get away from myspace readers and have a personal web site that I can go to and show only those people that I really want to see this site. However, I don't know if I am really going to tell anyone about this site at all. I don't know. I hope that this site has a privacy thing that I can put in order to be able to write all of my thoughts on here, but only share some...