Talking with Mike Beccio

Well, Mike called me yesterday and we talked about his newborn baby and how God has been ministering to him and revealing things with him that were not possible before he was a dad. Then, I caught him up on the whole Jenny thing, well not in detail, and we both remembered the time that Jenny had broken up with me in the summer of 2005. We remembered that I was devastated and that I reluctantly went to Saturday Night since I was dragged there by Laura. Then, when we got there and we started singing praise songs, I remember that I didn't want to sing them; well it was more that I couldn't sing them, it brought too much pain. Then, right before we were about to start, Mike stepped away and was talking with the LORD. God told Mike that He wanted to change the message for me! The whole bible study was then restructured to talk about promise and how God never fails when He makes a promise or a covenant...same thing. And, that when God makes a promise, He will fulfill it in greater ways than we can imagine. I don't remember how Mike came to the conclusions that I got, but I do remember that he talked about the same passage that God had been speaking to me and used to tell me a lot about Jenny. The message was great, but I couldn't receive it because my heart hurt so much. When one worships or gets spoken to by God, the heart melts and mine could not melt because I didn't want anything to touch my heart...it would cause too much pain. Well, people wanted to hang out, but I did NOT want to do that so I asked my sister to take me home. However, once I got to my doorstep, I knew that if I went in, I would be very lonely and very depressed, so I decided to take a drive even if it was 11:30 at night. I got in my car and just started driving. I had gotten into the habit, a good recurrence, of going towards Surf Beach every time that I needed to go talk to God and all I wanted to do was drive. So, this time was definitely one of those "pour my heart our completely and in tears" time and towards Surf Beach I went. I couldn't event speak to God and I remember only being able to say "I can't" - - but only in my head. As soon as I said that, I heard, "Just talk;" I knew it was God. So, I opened my mouth and all that came out for the next 15 minutes or so were tears. Every time that I would attempt to speak all that came out were tears. Looking back I remember, and have remembered before while I recollected this night, that verse in Romans (I think) that says that sometimes we cannot do anything but grown and that that grown is guided by the Spirit and understood by God. How awesome is that!! Well, I remember being SO HURT and asking God why... until He answered. He first put into my mind the picture of Jesus at Gethsemane. From this picture, the LORD said to me something like "You will suffer much to help many." I cried more and more even though I basically had no tears to shed. I was still hurt though, because I didn't know if I had lost Jenny forever. The next day, however, my family and I went to Community Covenant Church to have a joint worship service. I will never forget how the LORD spoke to me that day in the time of worship and through the sermon. It was as if He had put the message in Christian Schalesky's heart just for me. The sermon was about how every emotion in the spectrum was created by God and that all should drive us to Him. The worship through music time, though, He spoke directly to me. My dilemma was that I didn't want to be stubborn and think that Jenny was my wife if God changed what He wanted for me due to the fact that Jenny had broken up with me, but, I also didn't want to wimper out and allow my faith to go down the drain if He wanted me to stay faithful to His word to me when He had said that Jenny was my wife. Well, during the worship service He said, "She is my promise to You." And He reminded me of how I had sworn off girls in 2002 until He brought my wife into the picture.